MANHATTAN BEACH–Sources at ad agency G&M Plumbing have officially confirmed rumors that their ping-pong table is really just a regular old table at this point. “It started slowly,” say one agency staffer. “A layout or two would wind up on the table, and someone would politely move them when they wanted to play.” But, it seems, any lingering respect for the actual purpose of the table has vanished. Now, reports suggest, the table is literally covered in agency materials and no one has played ping-pong in some time. Says Principal Glenn Miller, “There are print layouts on it, storyboards, notebooks, you name it. I even saw a donut on it the other day. With a bite taken out of it.”

At least one agency staffer is openly upset. ACD Michael “I bring my own paddle to work” Craven thinks the situation is unacceptable. “Look, I know we’re busy, but I think we should treat the table properly. I saw someone cutting boards on it with an x-acto knife the other day. What can I say, I stormed out of the room.”

The x-acto knife incident or EKI is allegedly the tip of the iceberg. People have been spotted eating at the table, having meetings around the table, one woman even sat on the table. All things that happen at regular old tables.

In a related story, the one remaining agency ping-pong ball has an enormous dent in its side and is sitting on the ground next to the copier.